Mending Wounds
How to bring in the calm after every storm

By MoriEl Randolph | December 3, 2007

Several years ago I wrote a song titled, Mending Wounds (now a selection from Songs with Meaning's Time for Change, Motivational Music CD, click here to listen). The song was a duet sung by a man and a woman. The male vocalist for the song and recording artist, Al Johnson, initially voiced his concern regarding a portion of the lyrics, where both the man and the woman sang the words "what can I do." Al thought that the lyrics should be "what can we do." I pointed out to him that I intentionally used that phrase, because it was important to me for listeners to understand that the mending had to begin as an individual effort.

It is so easy to see the faults of others, but the secret to a successful relationship-especially between a man and a woman-depends on each party's ability to see, examine and accept one's own faults.

Though I've shared this in other articles, and in my book What To Do When People Get On Your Nerves, I cannot stress enough how we, as human beings, would not have a clue as to what our faces looked like if it were not for the aid of something outside of ourselves?

No human has ever looked directly on his or her own face, except via a reflection from something outside of themselves. This is why one must take into account input from others whom they trust, while taking an honest, in-depth look at what one truly thinks and thus feels.

When you have two individuals who are willing to take a truthful look at a problem in order to see what their contribution was, what you have are two people who possess what it takes to make a relationship work.

I believe that it is literally impossible for two or more human beings to come together for the purpose of achieving anything, without experiencing conflict at one time or another. This is especially true when that relationship is between a man and wife. I make that statement because it is not just the two who will dwell under one roof. Together they represent every single individual who had any real influence on both their lives, including parents, siblings, teachers, etc.

So although the in-laws may not physically be inside the home, just like in Ragu sauce, they're in there. This is why each partner has a responsibility to examine their own actions when dealing with any conflict within their relationship.

This means to make sure the response you gave came from what you think and want and not what your mother does. Check to see if a particular reaction you had was the way you wished to handle the situation and not your dad. You cannot afford to permit members of your household within to reap havoc in your physical home. The only way to prevent that from occurring is to consistently examine the things that affect you. Make sure you understand how and why you think or feel the way you do when it comes to any matter that can weaken the unity you want within your home. In essence, before you jump to accuse or find fault in your mate, first make sure your internal household is in order. You cannot afford to have your inner child throwing a tantrum or the adolescent in you making unreasonable demands on the man or woman you wish to spend the rest of your life with.

I believe the number one reason why so many marriages end in divorce is simply because somebody-one partner or both-does not wish to do the work, and it does require work. Though the benefits of marriage are great and numerous, they are only reaped by those partners who learn to grow, endure, and persevere together.

For information on books, seminars and other services provided by MoriEl Randolph click here for more inspiration and motivational resources.

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