Mending
Wounds
How
to bring in the calm after every storm
By MoriEl Randolph | December 3, 2007
Several
years ago I wrote a song titled, Mending Wounds (now a selection from
Songs with Meaning's Time for Change, Motivational Music CD, click here
to listen). The song was a duet sung by a man and a woman. The male
vocalist for the song and recording artist, Al Johnson, initially voiced
his concern regarding a portion of the lyrics, where both the man and
the woman sang the words "what can I do." Al thought that
the lyrics should be "what can we do." I pointed out to him
that I intentionally used that phrase, because it was important to me
for listeners to understand that the mending had to begin as an individual
effort.
It
is so easy to see the faults of others, but the secret to a successful
relationship-especially between a man and a woman-depends on each party's
ability to see, examine and accept one's own faults.
Though
I've shared this in other articles, and in my book What To Do When People
Get On Your Nerves, I cannot stress enough how we, as human beings,
would not have a clue as to what our faces looked like if it were not
for the aid of something outside of ourselves?
No
human has ever looked directly on his or her own face, except via a
reflection from something outside of themselves. This is why one must
take into account input from others whom they trust, while taking an
honest, in-depth look at what one truly thinks and thus feels.
When
you have two individuals who are willing to take a truthful look at
a problem in order to see what their contribution was, what you have
are two people who possess what it takes to make a relationship work.
I
believe that it is literally impossible for two or more human beings
to come together for the purpose of achieving anything, without experiencing
conflict at one time or another. This is especially true when that relationship
is between a man and wife. I make that statement because it is not just
the two who will dwell under one roof. Together they represent every
single individual who had any real influence on both their lives, including
parents, siblings, teachers, etc.
So
although the in-laws may not physically be inside the home, just like
in Ragu sauce, they're in there. This is why each partner has a responsibility
to examine their own actions when dealing with any conflict within their
relationship.
This
means to make sure the response you gave came from what you think and
want and not what your mother does. Check to see if a particular reaction
you had was the way you wished to handle the situation and not your
dad. You cannot afford to permit members of your household within to
reap havoc in your physical home. The only way to prevent that from
occurring is to consistently examine the things that affect you. Make
sure you understand how and why you think or feel the way you do when
it comes to any matter that can weaken the unity you want within your
home. In essence, before you jump to accuse or find fault in your mate,
first make sure your internal household is in order. You cannot afford
to have your inner child throwing a tantrum or the adolescent in you
making unreasonable demands on the man or woman you wish to spend the
rest of your life with.
I
believe the number one reason why so many marriages end in divorce is
simply because somebody-one partner or both-does not wish to do the
work, and it does require work. Though the benefits of marriage are
great and numerous, they are only reaped by those partners who learn
to grow, endure, and persevere together.
